Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
