Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
