he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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