I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
