I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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