elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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