I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He has the fingertips of a God
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