I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
