You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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