i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
