i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
