Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
