Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
