that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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