My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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