I'm really into asian looking animals
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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