i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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