Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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