I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
