you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
