There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
