I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cut my penus on the lid.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
