the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
