I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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