is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
