If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
