so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
