We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
