Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
