I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize