Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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