he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
high people should be assigned attendants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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