im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
