i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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