I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
