you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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