the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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