i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
