so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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