I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
