the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
