I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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