Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
