I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize