I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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