The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have post one night stand depression
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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