All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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