My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
