Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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