Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
