if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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