idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize