I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
