..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
