do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
