it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize