So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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