when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
