420 ftw
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
