ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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