Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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