We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
