$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
