I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
