I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
