she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
