my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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