just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
