i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize