so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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