mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
