We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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