the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
