there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
