I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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